Jerk Lady Gets Park Ranger Fired For Loving Being A Park Ranger Too Much

  The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name

Are we not offended?
A park ranger has been FIRED for dancing at work! Deryl Nelson, who worked for the City of Chattanooga, was let go after an offended lady took video of his sweet moves. This is the greatest injustice in the history of Tennessee except slavery and anything bad that has ever happened to Dolly Parton.

The aggressor

This lady, Melissa Parsons, took action that got a man fired from his job, in this economy, for shaking his booty. Watch the short video news report for the footage of the dancing that so offended Parsons she had to start a campaign against a public servant.

This is ridiculous! He didn’t do anything wrong! He was just being silly and having fun! Any kids who were offended are scary little beast monsters who need to learn how to chill the hell out (as do their parents).

Now if you’re as pissed off as we are (AND WE ARE PISSED OFF!) tweet at the City of Chattanooga. Tell ’em @HappyNiceTimes sent ya, dammit! You can also email Mayor Andy Berke if you like at Let us foment a revolution against uptight lily-livered “Footloose”-type people who would probably be super into the rigid, regimented societies in “The Giver” or “A Handmaid’s Tale” or “Hunger Games” or “Triumph of the Will” whatever. Let Deryl dance! LET DERYL DANCE! We will die on this hill, for Deryl.

UPDATE: A kind Twitter friend let us know that Deryl is still dancing, on Facebook! Check him out!

UPDATE TO UPDATE: And here is Deryl’s last dance for us all, on YouTube. It’s pretty great.

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About the author

I'm an author and a comedian and an editor-in-chief not unlike Perry White or Larry Flynt. I'm from Jersey originally but have made stops in Boston, NYC, the great American Southwest, Asheville, the Netherlands, and Los Angeles.

View all articles by Sara Benincasa


  1. Wendy Belgard Hanawalt

    What a gigantic creep. Now we’re offended by DANCING?!?!?! Give that guy his job back, and cut the crap.

    1. discus_sucks_ass

      yeppers, and if that “lady” has kids they need to be taken away and if she has a job SHE needs to be fired!

  2. Elizabeth Chubbuck

    The fat wads who always dress up LIKE they exercise and never do. And you want to say “Maybe she is just getting started?” Yeah I doubt it.

  3. goonemeritus

    Everyone knows dancing leads to social decay. You people won’t
    be happy until men are wearing pajama pants in public.

  4. Brian Crocker

    Is it sad I am waiting for this to be revealed a prank or hoax? Damn the tricksters who made it so I have to question everything.

  5. Zippy

    This is why we can’t have nice things. Too many stupid, meddling assholes who can’t mind their own fucking business. Good going lady, I hope getting him fired was a worthy price for your daily opportunity to wallow in your faux outrage

  6. D G

    Melissa Parsons- The type of busy-body I can just not stand. What is it with people who want to bring problems onto someone for something like this? She should be ashamed. I seriously can’t stand that “type” of person. “Because, uh, as a parent….” I’m pretty tired of people thinking that just because they procreated that gives them some type of right or informed opinion. You caused a great disruption in a man’s life, needlessly. He’s a park ranger, not in a cop for goodness sake’s. I bet she wishes someone would touch her in her R-rated spot. This is the equivalent of complaining about Elvis shaking his hips on the teevee.

  7. Independently Yours

    Where is Deryl’s hat? Pass, it please, I want to put a buck in it. It ain’t much, but I am a poors and I want to join others in donating a buck to Deryl to help out until he gets his old job back or a new one.

  8. peteywheats

    COVER THE CHILDREN’S EYES! They must never know that’s possible to be an adult who has fun instead of being a fat ugly stupid asshole-lady.

  9. Rex Sheldon III

    You can tell just by looking at her that she’s the type of busy-body that has to stick her nose into anything that she finds offensive, no matter the consequences.

  10. 0gham

    Melissa Parsons embodies everything I hate about the South. Go fan yourself in fake righteous indignation somewhere else, lady. “The children” are going to be just fine. ARRRRGH!

  11. chadingo

    why don’t baptists make love standing’ up? people might think they’re dancin’. that aggrieved female of the species could use less of the former and more of the latter.

  12. be kind

    People! Please stop adding shittiness to shittiness by commenting on the complainer’s weight. The problem is not that she’s overweight. It’s that she’s a humorless, attention-seeking, self-righteous idiot. Those come in a variety of sizes, don’tcha know?

  13. be kind

    Christie: Even if what you say is true, his supervisor should NOT be sharing it with you and you should not be sharing it with us. There are reasons why so many organizations, when questioned about a former employee, say “It’s a personnel matter,” and refuse to comment.

    1. Joseph

      It’s OK. this is Tenn. She does not like him or dancing or anything that looks like someone might be enjoying themselves. Since his employment records have been reviewed by the press she is a liar and a hateful liar I might add. She will personally discuss this with the Baby Jeebus and he will tell her she is right and to continue to spread misinformation and pain.

  14. Joseph

    She needs to be slapped. Repeatedly. Set up a booth like a dunking stool and bitch slap her until her ears bleed.

  15. dlishanon

    Christie, completely unprofessional. Grow up. The internet is a small world, I’m sure we can dig up on you as well.
    This grade school gossip comment you left is ridiculously childish and out of your lane.
    You’re not his supervisor, nor do you work with him and your post is just as bad as the women complaining about him in the first place.
    Must be a pitiful town to live in when everyone is so bored and miserable they have nothing better to do then get people fired and gossip about them.
    I’m sure your cell is on it’s charger as you burn up the phone lines and text messaging with all your “intel”.

  16. Carlton Fisher

    Even if what you say is true, you realize that 1) his supervisor should not be sharing any of that information with you, as it i a personnel issue that should be handled internally through HR, not a bunch of town gossips. 2) Your sharing of the information on here goes beyond unprofessional to reprehensible, possibly illegal, and certainly eligible for civil action. Happy lawsuit if you plan on keeping this behavior up.

    Though, honestly, I imagine you’re more likely an internet troll with no inside knowledge getting off on pretending you have information.

  17. Carlton Fisher

    I’m sorry, Melissa Parsons, that your life is so miserable and meaningless that you feel the need to impinge on anyone’s joy. I realize that you somehow feel better because you can drag people down to your level of complete, morbid misery, but perhaps you should think about not being such a massive bitch and maybe giving life a try. Or perhaps you should just shut yourself up in your house and leave the rest of us humans alone. There’s too many people like you in the world who take it upon themselves to dictate how everyone around them should live. Maybe some of us should take a shot at controlling you life for a bit?

    1. MarkTemporis

      Oh, I’m sure a small group of folks with the proper inclenation could really mess up that woman’s life. (Sending up the anon-signal…)

  18. Thrine

    ok so the mayor responded to me:

    As I’m sure you understand, we typically don’t discuss personal employee matters, especially as it pertains to terminations. That said, our HR division has provided the following statement that might be helpful to you in understanding the circumstances of this particular situation:

    “While the City of Chattanooga respects personal information concerning our employees and refrains from commenting on employee issues as it regards terminations, we have received several questions regarding the termination of employee Deryl Nelson and feel it is necessary to respond.

    As stated previously, there were several factors that led to the decision to terminate the employee. This included a history of inappropriate behavior as well as poor job performance. Mr. Nelson’s personnel file includes 15 instances of corrective action taken since 2007, including a total of 20 days of suspension for making inappropriate and profane comments to female park visitors and a female employee, as well as negligence while operating a motor vehicle that resulted in two preventable accidents. During this time, Mr. Nelson also received four reprimands for poor job performance and inappropriate conduct, including the solicitation of free food from a local restaurant while on duty and becoming loud and angry after free food was denied.

    The City is committed to providing the most efficient, effective, and courteous service while being responsible with taxpayer dollars; Mr. Nelson’s history of neglecting his job duties and inappropriate comments and conduct are not consistent with this commitment to our citizens.”

    Please don’t hesitate to contact me in the future if you have questions or concerns – my email address is


    Mayor Andy Berke
    City of Chattanooga

  19. disqus_KZsyiQ57se

    Melissa Parsons.. What a miserable excuse for a human being. And everyone that enables her.

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