Why Not Breathe New Life Into Your Minneapolis Mayoral Campaign By Wearing Nothing But Saran Wrap?

  Women Get So Clingy

Man, we are gonna miss this Minneapolis mayor’s race. It really has exceeded expectations in terms of giving us things to mock. Up until today, that was primarily because of Jeff Wagner, who did one ad where he emerged from a lake in his underwear and another where he simulated masturbating. Oh, and we also have a guy that legally changed his name to Captain Jack Sparrow and is running on behalf of the Occupirate party, which seems to include maybe just him?

Now the weirdness has infected not just the super-fringe candidates but some of the more mainstream as well. Stephanie Woodruff isn’t a joke candidate. Don’t get us wrong — she doesn’t have a chance in hell, even under the ranked choice voting boondoggle that gave us 35 candidates in the first place — but she hasn’t been in the race just to get attention. She has held an actual relevant long-term job in auditing and accounting, and is Independence party-endorsed. So it’s a little surprising that she took a turn for the eccentric in her latest ad where she is dressed only in Saran Wrap in order to show her dedication to creating greater government transparency.That is actually not that weird a thing, you guys! But dressing up in Saran Wrap to do it sorta kinda is, and we’ll go out on a limb and say it undercuts your serious message a wee bit.

Also problems for seriousity: (1) a synthesizer backing track that sounds like it was ordered from one of those porn music companies you might use if you just want to cover up bad dialogue and didn’t want to opt for the bow-chicka-wow-wow song and (2) a sad underpowered wind machine that blows a few dollars listlessly across her desk, presumably to indicate that this is what happens if you don’t have transparency in government. Money just…blows around? You can’t keep track of the money because of wind? Your Saran Wrap magically protects the money from getting away? We’re not really sure what she was going for here, but we know that we will be so very sad on Wednesday when there’s no more of these shenanigans.

Also, too, if you know who the bobblehead doll on the desk behind her is, we would be forever in your debt.

[City Pages]

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  1. Skwerl King

    I am having a hard time deciding the top 3. I’m torn on how to throw away my vote tomorrow. There’s the Communist who thinks Laura Ingals Wilder is the personification of God, Captain Jack Sparrow, and the Saran wrap tootsie. Damn it Minneapolis, why can’t I simply decide between the candidate who will turn the city into a great orgy of fun and the one that will turn it into a post-apocalyptic nightmare ala Escape From New York!

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