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The imminently punchable Phil Mickelson
Nothing Lefty About Him

MAN TIME: WHY YOU SHOULD HATE PHIL MICKELSON


The British Open starts today, and Phil Mickelson is the defending champ. That’s him in the photo up above, don’t you just want to punch him in his stupid face? Look at his face, being all punchable. Don’t you hate him already, you guys?

If Phil Mickelson looks like a smug, shit-eating golfing man, that’s …

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Today in Art History

WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING IN GUSTAV KLIMT’S ‘THE KISS’?


Gustav Klimt’s “The Kiss” is one of the purtiest paintings of all time. Seemingly depicting a pair of lovers in blissful embrace, it enhances dorm room walls across the world. But what’s really going on in this picture? Well I’m pleased to finally reveal the actual respective internal monologue of the lovers.

HIM: I love …

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Experimenting with potholes
Clipbait

JON STEWART UPGRADES AMERICA’S COMEDY INFRASTRUCTURE (VIDEO)

On Wednesday’s Daily Show, Jon Stewart took a brief detour into the unsexy but important topic of infrastructure funding, which may not immediately seem like comedy gold, but the bit worked. Our Great Nation’s roads and bridges are in terrible shape, and the means by which Congress has traditionally paid for the federal highway trust …

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Who needs a drink?
I Am Mad About A Thing

MEGYN KELLY KNOWS WHITE SANTA IS REAL, HAS SERIOUS DOUBTS ABOUT WOMEN’S ‘HEALTH’

You know why we can’t have nice things? Today, the reason is Megyn Kelly, the beloved hard-hitting journamalist of Fox “News,” who for some reason my brain cannot comprehend is golden-showered with praise every time she opens her mouth and says something that is remotely accurate.

Today, however, is not one of those days. Today, …

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Your Health

QUITTING GLUTEN: THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF


People quit gluten for various reasons, including serious digestive disorders, lack of energy, desire for weight loss, and the urge to imitate a celebrity. All of these reasons are valid (I did it because of a cookbook) but the fact remains that quitting gluten is a terrible thing that will induce a period of mourning. …

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O Captain My Captain

MAN TIME: HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS DEREK JETER GUY?


Major League Baseball’s All-Star Game was last night, and you probably didn’t watch, because why would you? It’s a meaningless game, and last night’s affair was mostly about Derek Jeter, and a little about the stories baseball fans tell themselves.

Deadspin put together a super-cut of the 100+ times Derek Jeter’s name was mentioned on …

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he's ba-a-ack
Dumb Fun

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC GOES ALL GRAMMAR NAZI WITH NEW ‘BLURRED LINES’ PARODY (VIDEO)

Mr. Alfred Matthew Yankovic has released his ninety-seven gazillionth album, Mandatory Fun, and who are we to suddenly develop “good taste” and not just wallow around in enjoying the mostly amusing silliness that Weird Al occasionally flings out against the wall? Weird Al is childish, simple, and obvious, and for that, we are happy to …

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Do You Want to Know the Terrifying Truth?

MAN TIME: DINGERS! DINGERS!

“Oh boy, man hit baseball, man hit baseball far!” said every baseball fan last night, because it was Major League Baseball’s Home Run Derby. “The man, he held the bat? And then he hit the baseball, wowie it go so far!” baseball fans continued, while sucking down self-served beer at Minnesota’s Target Field.

This reaction …

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The City That Never Bathes

STUFF THAT MAKES EX-NEW YORKERS MISS NYC


New York City is the city that never sleeps, and it’s full of magic and mayhem and memories. After doing a stint in the city, you’ll feel like some kind of champion who fought in a strange, sooty yet somehow glamorous dream war and survived. But you also may find yourself feeling nostalgic at unexpected …

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If Gwyneth Can Do It So Can You

QUITTING COFFEE: THE 5 STAGES OF GRIEF


Giving up coffee is a terrible choice that no one should make unless one has a very good reason, like panic attacks or because Gwyneth Paltrow did it in a cookbook. I quit the bean beast and swiftly went through the five stages of grief, albeit with a caffeinated twist. Here’s what you can expect …

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